Found this old musing that I posted in a newsletter on 3-29-06 and see that sometimes I’m really slow at changing ingrained behaviors. I have learned to love myself more in five years, but am still waiting for the spontaneity to appear.
“Love is the active concern for the life and the growth of that which we love.”
What a wonderful quote. I was having a hard time starting on a newsletter this month because I knew I wanted to write about love. But I thought to myself, “What would someone that’s had but one fleeting moment of romantic love have to say about love?” Then I found this quote and it dawned on me that are many more kinds of love than that often elusive “romantic” love.
It was not too long ago that I finally let go of the idea that love was not about someone coming along to rescue me. Because the only one that was going to rescue me was me, and until I did, I was probably not ready for love anyway. That is when I really began to start growing as a person and started delving deep inside to try to find a way to learn to love myself first.
Today I try to experience fully the love that comes to me in so many ways, but I also try not to hang on so tightly as to block its flow. The other thing that I’m learning is that my lack of spontaneity also blocks the flow. So many times my inhibitions stop me from showing to others what I feel for them deep inside. And what good is all that love inside if it’s not shared with others?
So I’ve started to watch children to see how spontaneous they are when demonstrating their love. They don’t sit and analyze how the other person is going to respond, they just give love freely without expecting anything in return. I was playing on the computer with my friend’s seven-year old daughter the other night when she turned around, kissed me on the cheek, and said “I love you!” It was so unexpected and so pure that it almost brings tears to my eyes as I think of it now. To be able to love like a child again; that is my new goal.